Where's the Fault in Singing Let It Go?

There are many times I am proud to be a mom, many times I am frightened, and many times that I feel I just fail at the whole motherhood thing.

I am afraid of: failing my kids, failing my husband, getting in a car accident, people, drowning, birds attacking, and appliances I never used before.

Luckily, time softens the judgment I place on myself and uplifts the happy moments.

This is about that a time I knew I just failed my kid and I don't want to forget it. 

The school's talent show is coming up and he asked if he could audition. After reading the permission slip to enter the audition process I asked him if he was prepared to do his best and practice.  He said yes and he wanted to sing for it.

He has a sweet voice, a confident voice. No, he is not trained and no, I don't think American Idol is calling but he did get to sing a solo in music class.

My little man sees the world in black and white. There is wrong and right and there are rules.

He is not perfect and he gets into his fair share of trouble but when it comes to doing something, he has to do it the way it was intended.

Like when he had to read fifteen books in a month for a class project. The prize was to be allowed to participate in a pizza party. C-man was one book shy of the goal and I offered to sign off on it, if he promised to read it when we came home.

He said no, it would be a lie. 

That is one example of many.

I asked my sweet, little man what he had in mind to sing and if he would sing it for me.  He started to sing Let It Go from Frozen. 

My heart sunk a little. We are having an About a Boy moment.

You know that moment in the movie (or TV version) were the kid sings that uber uncool song but his uber cool friend saves the day.

My son loves Frozen. He knows the movie, he knows the songs, and he loves to sing Let it Go. Every little girl auditioning will be singing that song. Do I tell him no since his choice will be popular with the girls and uncool for the boys?

Drawing a Dinosaur

The last time I felt guilty. The last time I felt guilty? I don’t remember a time when I didn't feel guilty about something.

I feel guilty writing this now.

The kids have been trapped in our home because of the weather and I’ve had my face buried in a screen. I have read two books on my kindle, played candy crush saga and worked on my laptop while catching up on Downton Abbey.

I can’t wait to go back to work and I feel guilty about that.

Why Food Poisoning is Not All Bad When You have an Older Kid

I often question why we had our kids so many years apart. Granted it is only five years but that seems like a lot when you are changing diapers again after two years of being diaper free and when baby girl is starting kindergarten my son will be ready for middle school. They will never go to the same school and when my son is in college my daughter will be in high school.

There are advantages to having an older child and a younger child especially when you have food poisoning and you may or may not be lying on the cool tile of the bathroom quietly crying in pain. Softly you hear from the other side of closed door, “Mom? You okay?” and you don’t have to completely lie because they are old enough to understand.

Having an older child when you are sick means that they are able to make a PB&J sandwich for their three year old sister while you are praying to the porcelain gods and he is able to heat up a piece of leftover chicken for himself.

Another advantage of having an older child means he can put the clothes that were in the wash machine into the dryer so you won’t have to wash them again later and it means he can fetch a glass of ginger ale without spilling it all over the kitchen.

Of course having an older child while you are sick means that the illusion that you are super woman is dashed and there is no going back. He has now seen (and smelled) me at my worse. He knows that I get I sick and it is not pretty. But he has also learned that he can manage, for a few hours, on his own and help his mom out when she is not able to help herself.

I too have learned that he is not helpless and can do some things on his own. He can work a microwave and manage to dry a load of clothes. He can even get along with his sister long enough for me to sleep before they are off to bed. Sure it also means that they hung out in the same bed I was sleeping in and I may have dreamed about the Bubble Guppies for four hours but worth it. And it means they still need me, even while at death’s door step.

Because Prompts Are Fun - Dirty, Dirty, Guilty Homemaker #promptsrfun

I admit that I am a craptastic mom and I don’t even really feel all that guilty about it but what I do feel guilty about is that I am a horrible, terrible, crappy homemaker.   I wish we could afford a housekeeper.  I really, really do.

It’s not that we live in a pig pen, our house is relatively clean and mold free but the dishes tend to pile up around the kitchen and I have been known to scrape a mound (or two) of dried up tooth paste off the mirror after several days of looking at it.

I wish I was one of those people who loved to clean.  Hell, I’d settle for like but I would rather be playing with the kids or watching TV. I would even rather go for a run or workout than dust or scrub. And, don’t even think I am going to wash windows – that’s just crazy talk.

Floors get mopped, area rugs vacuumed and the bathroom is always kept clean but when you come to our home you know we live here because the stuff we love is very close at hand.

Mail is piled on the dining room table next to lunch boxes, coloring books and a random sock. There are toys strewn throughout and I really wouldn’t walk barefoot unless you are skilled at Lego dodging. Oh and that smell from the corner may be that sippy cup that rolled under couch and I have not been able to find it till now.

Baby’s room looks more like a storage room with all her old clothes spilling out of boxes that are not quite big enough to contain the clothes she has grown out of. I keep meaning to donate them; it is on the list to-do.

My son’s room actually is not bad but I have not looked at the playroom for a few months. I can only imagine the horror that awaits us in the attic but it is a safe bet that there is no food up there waiting to be disposed of like medical waste.  I hope.

I think the least cluttered room in the house is our master bedroom and that is because it is only big enough for our bed and the TV stand. We have a room off the bedroom for our dressers and well that is hit or miss, good thing I can close that door.

I work full time, volunteer and I have insomnia. Besides that, I love my kids and want to hang out with them, not clean. Sure these may sound like excuses to you because they are and because I am a really bad house keeper. That does not mean I am not a fantastic homemaker.

So, yes, I feel guilty especially when I am cleaning and the kids ask, “Who’s coming over?”

Feeling guilty? Want to share?

Because Prompts Are Fun - Dirty, Dirty, Guilty Homemaker #promptsrfun ow.ly/2v29IT

— MryJhnsn (@mryjhnsn) February 22, 2013

Summer Camp. Sigh.

My brother pulling our childhood friends

Summer camp.  Day camp.  Day care.  Whatever you call it...  I feel guilty sending the Kindergartner (soon-to-be-first-grader) off to spend his days there.

It is not like I really have a choice because he needs the structure, needs to be stimulated and they will provide it there.  In addition, they will go swimming and on lots of field trips.  Never mind, I am expected to show up to work everyday (as does the Husband), so sending him is not just the best option but a necessity.

I just can't help feeling a little guilty that he won't have the lazy days of summer that my brother and I had growing up. Then again, he won't also have the boredom that brought on the fighting and black and blue marks. Ha!  Memories.