Back to School, PB+J, and Lamenting

Back to school has come and gone in our household or in our case back to school and a new kindergartner. I've always hated back to school time. Summer seems to be getting shorter the older the kids get. Time is just laughing.

It's so strange that not only are they no longer babies, but they have started their educational journey. It feels like just yesterday that the were clinging to me and now they are moving away, so to speak.

8 Sayings That Will Actually Have My Kids Laughing When I'm Dead

Hey.

Hey!

I use "hey" to get the kids attention. There is something about that word, when said j-u-s-t right will not only get my kids' attention but also their future selves' attention.

It drives me nuts when the kids use it though.

It's my word for them when they aren't paying attention, not for them to use whenever.

When they say "hey," my response is, "hay is for horses."

I got it from my mom who got it from her dad.

It was no surprise when my mother-in-law told me that the little one told her that "hay is for horses," when grandma said hey to her. It was also no surprise when my mother-in-law called, laughing, to tell me she used it on someone else. 

It is one of the things my mom said to me that stuck.

Some other priceless gems from my mother:

Parenting Sucks: 5 Things I Tell My Kids About Growing Up

Just when you think you got the hang of parenting, the rules change. Like when you finally get your infant to sleep through the night and the very next night, they start teething and can't sleep because of the pain. Or when you think your big kid is finally making friends at school and they tell you that the kids say their hands are too big and they are ugly.

What do you say to that? "Honey, your hands are perfectly normal size," or "Maybe they are just jealous of what you have."

Seriously? Parenting sucks.

That moment when your kid starts to realize that they are the weird one, barely chokes the word out to you, and embarrassed by this confession, is the exact moment your heart breaks. Nothing you say next will make them feel better, you know this so you stay quiet, let them talk, and give them a hug.

If only a hug would take away the hurt or a magic wand will make them feel better.

Other kids suck. Their parents suck for raising such mean kids. And, I know that as people we all suck because when we don't understand someone or something we attack what we know will hurt the most. It's all part of growing up and it sucks.

Even though I can't address everything at once, I have a list of what I tell my kids, indirectly, in the hopes that if I say it enough, it will stick in their little brains to give them courage and strength to make it through a bad day.

5 things I tell my kids about growing up (every day)

1. Everyone feels weird and out of place.

You may feel like that out-of-place kid now but you will fit in, one day, just not today. Feeling like an outsider may never go away but there will come a time when you will be liked by those who will really matter to you. Besides, your mom and dad already adore you so who else do you already need?

Some Mornings, I Just Want to Go Back to Bed

You know those days you wonder why you got of bed? 

Those mornings when the preschooler is crying because you had the audacity to pick out something for her to wear and the older one is shooting you piercing looks because you woke him for something as trivial as school.

It is the same morning that you woke up late because you think you are fighting off whatever sickness one of them gave you and your whole body hurts. Why can't they give you a clean room instead of the flu?

In the midst of all of this chaos, I crawled into my kid's bed and just laid there wondering why I was given these little lives to nurture and guide. I feel like I am failing left and right. Yelling to get things done when I know damn well that is not going to work. Counting to five to calm myself so much I have to wonder if the kids know I can count higher. 

How can she be so tiny and so willful! 

Where is the F^*k!ng Parenting Manual?

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.  There are moments that will bring you to your knees and others that will bring you more joy than you can possibly imagine.  Unfortunately, kids don't come with manuals.  There are plenty of experts that will claim that they know best but all you can do is trust your instincts.  Inevitably, I am going to get a lot wrong but I would also like to think I will get some things right.  Only time will tell.

In my late twenties, I was diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobia plus depression.  It happened after I stopped drinking daily.  I thought I was breaking into a million pieces and I wanted to die. Apparently, drinking was self medicating and I had been doing it for many years.  Who knew?

Top 5 Parenting Rules for Your Baby in the Real World and not Reality TV World

Top 5

Parenting Rules for Your Baby in the Real World and not Reality TV World 

(inspired by Bethenny Frankel's list in November 2011 Parenting Magazine. PS It is not her list I mock but what she writes about each rule that makes me want to gag on my generic spoon)

1. Don't compete with other moms - Although I don't have "haters" there are those moms who want to compare every little detail of your child vs theirs and it is exhausting to do that!  No child will ever compare to how amazing mine are so why even bother comparing yours with mine? 
2. You are your child's best parent - unless you are a dead beat but that is a different post and probably a different blog.  But, in all seriousness, you know your child the best and if you listen to your instincts you can not go wrong.
3. Remember to put your mask on first - In other words, if you are not taking care of yourself, how are you suppose to take care of your family?  I think this is the hardest thing to do and I fail at it all the time and I regret my actions afterwards which leads me to...
4. Forgiveness is key to being a good parent - This goes not just for the little ankle biters but for yourself, your parents and your significant other.  Be quick about it, too, life is short and time with them is even shorter.
5. Laugh! - This is completely self explanatory!

Feel free to link up your list (past or present) or if you are a NaBloPoMo participant link up your Saturday post!

Next week - Top 5 Blog Posts That You are Most Proud to Have Written or Read.  Can be yours, a favorite blogger or a combination of both.