When I look back at the last few weeks I am in awe of how much has changed. It seems like it was just yesterday I said, “See you on Sunday, Mom,” and today there are no more Sundays with her. No more moments, no more arguments, no more quite talks about nothing special and no more time. I’ve learned to miss her.
I have learned that losing a parent does not prepare you for losing another and no matter how many times I thought that it would be the end, I was not prepared for it to actually happen. I never thought it would. I am learning to grieve, again.
I have learned that the days after someone’s death is not when the mourning happens. The days leading up to the wake and the funeral are full of planning, lists and comforting others. You find yourself sharing details that you may not want to share just so they are not trapped inside your own mind to fester. You find yourself sharing parts of you that you don’t normally share in the hopes that you don’t come off to mechanical and cold. You find yourself going through the motions but not really feeling anything.
