I Want a Mommy

"I want a mommy" is one of the top search terms used to find my blog.  "Bandaid toes" is another search term which I would absolutely expect to find after someone searches for a mommy online.

The absurd thing is, I don't consider myself a "mommy."

Yes, I know that I am and embrace it wholeheartedly, but when I hear "mommy" I immediately think of my first few (naive) months as a new mom or worse, mommy blogger.  Just because I am a mom and I blog does not mean that all I blog about is being a mom.  I prefer parenting influencer.  I write about my family and what we do.

Mommy, to me seems young and I am so not young.  I was not a young mom, in fact I am probably one of the last of my friends to procreate.  Also, my kids have never really called me mommy, at least not for very long and now only when scared or hurt.  They call me momma, mom, and even m-o-t-h-e-r, but not really mommy.

Ever since my mom died in February, I've been thinking about my role as a parent.

Kite Flying Can Bring Your Family Closer

It is hard to grasp how time is flying by when you are knee deep in dirty laundry, overwhelmed by your kid's homework, and inundated with birthday party invites.

We seem to be perpetually on the move, starting with everyone getting to where they need to go, work, picking everyone up, making dinner, going over homework, bathing, and bed.  Where is there just time to just be?

Of course, we do find the time to just be, just not always when we want to or when we plan it but somehow in our crazy, hectic schedules we find the time we need.

Over the weekend we went kite flying.  Now, in Ohio, this should be done in October - apparently.  As I am not a kite flyer, the Husband (who apparently was/is) spent many a fun fall afternoon with a kite made of wood, soaring high above the ground told me so.  I believe him but there seems to be some inconsistency around the nation. National Kite Flying Day seems to February 8 which is downright crazy in Ohio and the month dedicated to kite flyers is April.  I tend to lean towards the Husband's take since he actually flew a kite in Ohio.

Learning to Grieve, again.

source by petradr

When I look back at the last few weeks I am in awe of how much has changed. It seems like it was just yesterday I said, “See you on Sunday, Mom,” and today there are no more Sundays with her. No more moments, no more arguments, no more quite talks about nothing special and no more time. I’ve learned to miss her.

I have learned that losing a parent does not prepare you for losing another and no matter how many times I thought that it would be the end, I was not prepared for it to actually happen. I never thought it would.  I am learning to grieve, again.

I have learned that the days after someone’s death is not when the mourning happens. The days leading up to the wake and the funeral are full of planning, lists and comforting others. You find yourself sharing details that you may not want to share just so they are not trapped inside your own mind to fester. You find yourself sharing parts of you that you don’t normally share in the hopes that you don’t come off to mechanical and cold. You find yourself going through the motions but not really feeling anything.

Finding a Reason to Smile

I really try not to wish away time but this week has gone by so slow that I am begging to be released.

Last week I had items to check off a list and a purpose, this week I am trying not to fall apart.  I am desperately trying to go back to a routine and feel apart of the world again but I am weary.  If I could go to bed for a week, and not be missed or bothered, I would be in bliss.

As it is, I can't.  As much as I would like the world to stop, it won't.

I am actively trying to find moments of pure pleasure, reasons to smile.  Moments that remind me that it is okay to be happy again.

How to be Brave

When you think of bravery fireman, police and those that serve in the military often come to mind first and yes, they are some of the bravest people I know but not the only ones. Sometimes being brave means leading a purposeful life and sometimes it means facing situations that are difficult and seeing it through to the end even when you are scared or fail.

I tell my children daily to be brave. Their fears, their challenges are ones that only they know and thankfully cannot imagine anything harder but that does not mean that their childish worries won't prepare them for larger, harder ones that lay ahead.

When I find myself in the midst of a situation that requires bravery I quietly remind myself that it is just one moment and all moments pass. No, this does not help my children but one day they will realize that telling them to be brave is the same thing and their mom was very wise.

The Prompt 3.) Write a post inspired by the word: brave.

Amazing Moments

Life is just a series of moments. 

Sometimes good, sometimes bad but always amazing.

Here is to remembering this moment, savoring it and looking forward to the next one.