The Mommy Mindset: Competition Among Moms?

I sort of hate hanging around brand new mommies.  Well, the ones that talk on and on about their baby, which happens to be the only baby on earth.  Their way is best and they know all the right ways.  I did not like hanging around new mommies when I was a new mommy.  I am sure I am guilty of acting that way, but thankfully, like childbirth, I have forgotten.

As I started to join online communities and eventually blogging I tried to be a listener and not a know it all.  This is not easy because I do know a lot.  What I also realized is how competitive other moms are and everybody's opinion is right, not just mine.  Everybody can't be right and that is were the infighting comes into play.  What ever happened to - do what's best for you? 

We are moms.  We need to stick together and be an example, even if we don't agree.  This leads me to this Mommy Mindset...

Competition among moms. Why do you think it exists? Are you a competitive mom?

Lena: I am much more ambitious in work environment, than I am in a mommy army, but mainly because I know that mama drama and competitions are such a energy sucking hobby. I almost enjoy telling one of my friends that I got something new, because I know within the next couple weeks she will get something better. Is that bad?

Ashley: Not so much competitive as I like to see where my son is in comparison to other children his age. None of my friends have kids, so I admit, I'm an amateur when it comes to parenting. I'm always asking where other kids are in development in comparison to him. It helps me know what I should work on more or what he is doing great in. I do think competition exists though, which is a shame. I notice it a lot in my "mom groups".

Emily: I've noticed it a lot in my area. I find that moms are judging the "gear" that other moms have, the clothing the children wear, what kind of food the kids are eating, etc. Personally, I put my money towards things that are important to me & inline with my values. Having said that, I have a hybrid stroller and feed The Boy organic foods. But, I dress him for the playground in clothes from Target and Old Navy. I don't understand why there is so much judging, perhaps it stems from the judging that we all did as teens in high school?

Ghada: I don't get that kind of competition that you've described Emily. Maybe it comes from boredom. I find the mothers that are the most competitive about the gear and clothes are the ones that have always been that way in their own lives - the best clothes, the best phones, the best makeup, etc...Of course, I can't help but notice where my kids fit in compared to others in their growth, BUT I never turn it into a competition. Plus, I think with number 2 I am less concerned about where my kids fit in. They are happy, healthy and growing just fine!

Mary: I'm with Ghada - I am at a place where I may not seek as much approval from other moms as I did with my first but that is not say that I truly did in the first place. When my first was born, I was pregnant with five other woman in my office and out of them, one lost her baby, one became a great friend and one constantly wanted to compare our babies' growth and development. She would often try to bait me into comparing and sometimes I fell for it. It got to the point where I would not even mention my son when she was around. Eventually she finally stopped but then I joined the early childhood PTA and was thrust back into it. We should support each other, not tear each other down. :(

What are your thoughts?  Are you a competitive mom?

The Mommy Mindset: Competition Among Moms? ow.ly/1m1WVP

— MryJhnsn (@mryjhnsn) August 18, 2012

Thanks for participating Lena of Way2Goodlife, Ashley of Maryland Momma's Rambles & Reviews, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, and Mary of I Need a Playdate.

The Mommy Mindset: Just Keep Swimming

Growing up near Lake Erie, my parents were very vigilant at instilling a fear and respect in this great big lake.  We camped, we fished and we swam in and around this wonderful body of water and it never ceases to amaze me when I hear stories of someone who underestimated just how dangerous Lake Erie can be even for the most skilled swimmers.

Such was the case this past Monday, when a young girl was wadding in Lake Erie, got caught in a rip current and dragged her teacher under who was trying to get her out of the water. A nineteen year old life guard was able to pull the little girl out and then went back for the teacher but it took a half dozen other lifeguards plus a navy vet to get them out. The teacher had been under the water for 15 to 20 minutes and her heart had stopped but the 46 year old seemed to be fighting. Sadly, she died on Wednesday.

They were at the beach a half hour before it opened and there may or may have not been warning flags posted at the time about the adverse conditions.  The life guards that were there, were getting ready for work.  The beach was not officially open, yet.

Since this is the beach we happen to spend our weekends at I have been following this story very closely.  I have also made the six year old watch the coverage with me so he can grasp why I won't let them in the water when the waves are to high or why I won't let them go out past a certain point even though the water barely reaches his chest.  He is so skinny it would take no time for him to be swept out and under.

After Monday's event, will I still let the kids swim there?  Hell yes!  It is freakin' hot out and we love the water.  That is why they are called accidents, tragic yes, and you better believe I will be reminding him of this when he goes out to far.

Coincidentally, this week's Mommy Mindset discussion was about kids and swimming lessons.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this as well.

Now that warmer weather is here and we'll all be enjoying more time at the beach or the pool, let's talk about teaching our kiddos to swim! How old were your children when they first started swimming? Did you teach them yourself or enroll them in lessons?

Leila: My kids have been swimming since they were babies. They are now 4 and 6 and swim with floaties on. We are hoping to sign them up for swimming lessons eventually, but it's so darn expensive down here!

Emily: My son started swimming lessons when he was 6 months old. It was important to me that he learn to swim right at an early age because we live so close to the water. He is a bit reluctant when it comes to "big waves" but loves the water! He'll be turning three in a few weeks and I'm happy with is comfort level around the water.

Sarah: My daughter loves the water but she has not had formal swimming lessons. Our hope was to start her this summer (she'll be 3 in August). I am not the best swimmer in the world so I want her to learn from someone who actually knows what they are doing.

LaVonne: My daughter learned to swim when she was 3. My husband taught her. She is a little fish - loves the water so much. This summer, she is 4, and we are thinking of putting her into swimming lessons. We want her to learn her strokes and be able to swim better above the water. We just aren't sure if we want to put her in a private lesson or a group lesson.

Mary: My six year old started lessons when he was three (going on four) but the instructors were college kids who thought he was funny. They struggled to really teach him because they were distracted by him! He did learn the basics though and absolutely loves the water now as well as the lessons. Baby girl (two years old) will be taking lessons with her brother staring in July. Her day care provider has a pool and she feels very comfortable around water (including holding her breath and going under) but since we go so often now (between the public pool, beach and day care) I think lessons are necessary. I tried to teach my son but even though his instructors were more his buddy he still learned more from them.

Emily: In my opinion, lessons are necessary because trained professionals are going to teach lifesaving skills that little ones need when they're around the water. I just found a group toddler class that is beginning at the end of July and I'm thinking of enrolling The Boy. I'll be excited to watch him swim while receiving instruction, his prior lessons were water babies with me. Although he has lessons at school during the summer months, I can't help but feel that more is better.

Ghada: I was in swimming lessons with my 4 .5 year old when he was a baby, about 6 months and we did 2 rounds and then we stopped. We were living 2 minutes from the beach at the time so he was always in the water. He got spooked after falling off a boogie board with his Dad and was a bit weary for awhile but he's back into the water again. I am not having as much luck finding lessons with my 8 month old. But I definitely think professional lessons are key - if nothing else, it teaches us the parents tricks we would have never known.

New Post!The Mommy Mindset: Just Keep #Swimming goo.gl/fb/56F7N #goofy #kids #mommymindset #summer
— MryJhnsn (@mryjhnsn) June 29, 2012

Thank you for your valuable input Leila of Life as Leels, Emily, Nap Time is My Time, Sarah, East 9th Street, LaVonne, Long Wait For Isabella, Mary, iNeed a Playdate, Emily, Nap Time is My Time, and Ghada of Mama goes BAM.

The Mommy Mindset: Who's the Guy in My Bed?

Ah, time, there never seems to be enough.  If I am neglecting one thing, then I am neglecting another in the hopes that it will all even out which brings me to The Mommy Mindset (from two weeks ago because there was just not enough time...)

TOPIC: Remembering to pay attention to your marriage while you're raising a child/children. 

I will never claim to know the secret of a happy marriage but I can say that remembering that this time in our life together, is just one moment, in a very long lifetime of moments has helped me considerably when there never seems to be enough time left at the end of the day for each other

Here is what some other moms thought on the topic:

Valerie: Doing things as a family and also making time for date night. We really try to make time for each other each night after the kids have gone to bed - whether it's 30 min or a few hours it really makes a difference.

Lena: I am really bad with it. I still owe my husband a romantic dinner for his birthday (almost 4 months ago). WOW - I should really not be saying anything about paying attention to marriage

Kathleen: I'm still working on this. Even when the kids are all asleep, my husband and I do different things so it's hard to find something to do TOGETHER. My suggestion would be the little things, a kiss, a hand squeeze, a shoulder rub as you walk by even. Showing you care in little ways will add up.

Mary: I have a husband? So that's who that guy is! Just kidding... It is crazy hard to find a balance and it does not help that we co-sleep. One day baby girl will be in her own bed! Until then, we are creative in finding "alone time" but we fail at date nights and I feel the strain. I think we both realize that this time is temporary and our needs can come second - for now. That said, holy crap do we need a weekend alone! A friend of mine, who's kids are a few years older, will just go into their room for "mommy and daddy time." As open as I am about some things I don't think I will ever be that open. Its bad enough my son caught us one night, I don't think we could afford the therapy on us actually doing it while they are fully conscious.

Emily: My husband is ALWAYS wanting to have date nights, my problems is that I ALWAYS want to be the one to tuck The Boy in at night. I've started to let go of that and we've been having at least one date night a month. A few weeks ago, we went away overnight and my mom stayed with The Boy. It was awesome to let go of being a mom and connect with my husband. We go to lunch together during the week while The Boy is at school, not as romantic as a dinner, but still a wonderful time together. We even have a date night planned for this Tuesday - Dave Matthews Band!

Ghada: Hmmm...by the crickets in the discussion, I suspect we are all having trouble keeping that balance. To be honest, with 2 kids under 5 paying attention to our marriage is sometimes as simple as having a chat over tea after dinner. Though we are aiming to do date night starting in July at least twice a month.

Mary: ‎Ghada I was thinking the same thing and feel relived that it is not just me, ladies.

How do you do it?

Thank You for sharing, Valerie of Valerie’s Reviews, Lena of Way2Goodlife, Kathleen of Callista’s Ramblings, Mary of iNeed a Playdate, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM

The Mommy Mindest: Vitamin D or Danger Beyond Measure? Protecting Your Family from the Summer Sun

It's time for the next installment of the Mommy Mindset brought to you by - Holy Cow it's Freakin' Hot Outside!

This week's question:

How do you protect yourself and family from summer sun. Any products you love and would like to share?

As you can see by my answer at the bottom, I am not hyper-diligent when it comes to products for the kids and the summer sun other then sunscreen.  I don't do tents or umbrellas and to be quite honest, I am more likely to have a sunburn then they would have sunburn.

The Husband, on the other hand does not think that mixed kids will burn, ever.  I am not about to test this theory so, I lather sunscreen on them about a half hour before we go to the beach or pool so it can really soak into their pores. I will reapply if we stay longer then the recommended time on the bottle but it is more of a touch up.  They need that vitamin D, too!

Thankfully, my oldest has never burned and this is the first year that baby girl will be able to fully enjoy the beach so we plan on go more this year then ever before!

Ashley: Sunscreen! I'm currently on the search to find the "perfect" one for my son. I would hate to see him with a sunburn. So far so good. Also hats and sunglasses are great and a must have when out and about.

Ghada: Hats and sunscreen are a big thing in our house. Too many instances of melanoma on my husband's side of the family. We also make an effort to find shade when playing outside.

Gena: We are all fair skinned in our family, so sunscreen is a necessary evil! The boys hate it, but we just have to use it. I really like TruKid waterproof sunscreen. They also have UV protectant shirts they wear when in the water.

Lena: I am with you Gena:I think I really love TruKid sunscreen. It is natural and is still easy to apply. Many natural sunscreens I have tried are so not easy to use. I also buy my kids swimsuits with UVF protection. We also got a sprinkling system last summer, so I hope that would help too when the kids are on the backyard. Are the any more gadgets for the smaller kids out there?

Emily: We spend so much time outdoors that having a great sunscreen is important. We've used Trader Joe's, California Baby, and Jason. I've been pleased with all of them. Everyone wears big hats and sunglasses, too! At the beach, we bring an umbrella and a big pop up tent that provides shade for rest time. We have several water toys to help us keep cool when we're not at the beach, too.

Lena: What do you think about portable beach baby tents? Have anyone used it?

Ashley: We haven't been to the beach yet this summer, so I have not looked into purchasing a baby tent yet. Do people like them better than the big umbrellas? Anyone have a brand they recommend?

Emily: We tried the baby tent twice, but I found it to be too hot! We purchased a big pop up tent and brought the pack n play for rest. This summer, we're trading the pack n play for a kid-sized beach cot. Fingers crossed the he'll still rest at the beach, I'm not ready to give up nap time! I should also mention that we load up our SUV and drive onto the beach. I would not lug all this stuff if I had to carry from a parking lot to the beach.

Kathleen: I've not used a portable beach baby tent but we did bring a small tent to the beach before for the baby. Not enough circulation though. If we are going outside somewhere, I'm a stickler for sunscreen but for every day like going to school and such, I often forget or run out of time. It's so hard to find a good suncreen. It is either to sticky or slimy or hard to spread or smells horrible. I'm still looking for the best kind.

Valerie: I am a big fan of TruKid sunscreen as well. I love that it is not sticky, dries fast and smells great.

Mary: Other then sun screen... I don't do anything. Well, hats and sun glasses, if they will keep them on. This is the first year of really going to a beach (its been a city pool or YMCA up until this year) and I had no idea they had baby tents! Although I lather them up before we go and a touch up if we are at the beach for longer then anticipated, I am a little forgetful when it comes to reapplying sunscreen. I have to be more diligent.

I would love to hear what you do to protect the family from the sun!  Are you heading to the beach?  City pool?  Does where you go effect what you do?  Talk amongst your selves...

Thank You Ashley of Maryland Momma's Rambles & Reviews, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, Gena of Life With Captain, Lena of Way2Goodlife, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Kathleen of Callista's Ramblings, Valerie of Valerie's Reviews, and Mary of iNeed a Playdate.

The Mommy Mindset: Weening (not to be confused with whining)

When I saw the cover I though, Yep, that's me!  I'm still recovering from an eye sprain from rolling my eyes too hard.

The more I learned of the story and read the article I went up and down on how I felt about the cover.  I can see why moms would be offended because not all moms can breastfeed or if they can can't do it for very long.  "Mom Enough" implies failure and just adds to the mommy wars and that irks me.  But, something unexpected happened to me - I began to really like the photo.

Baby girl is over two years old now and we are still breastfeeding.  I never planned to breastfeed (never mind write about it) but I did.  I certainly never expected to be going this long.  Breastfeeding was not/is not always a loving and bonding experience.  It was/is a necessity to the well being of baby but life goes on.  I still need to fold clothes and if she is attached - so be it.  I envy the moms who can grocery shop and run the vacuum while nursing.  I am not that coordinated, I tried  So, until she is ready to stop, this is my life.  Only I am not as pretty or thin and certainly not on the cover of a magazine so kudos to her!

This weeks Mommy Mindset topic is on weening...

Leila: My daughter and I struggled with nursing so it wasn't a big deal. My son and I... oye. I nursed for 4 months, but due to my work schedule and the pressures at work (I worked at a medically supervised weight loss clinic and couldn't do the program to lose weight until I wasn't nursing any longer), I weaned at 4 months. I was miserable physically and emotionally. To this day (he is now 4) I wish I would've nursed longer and let him wean himself. I just keep telling myself "next time". :)

LaVonne: Long I made the decision to breastfeed for 2 years. There were many difficult times, I will admit, but it was worth it. I quit breastfeeding 2 weeks after my Princess turned 2, and I think she did better than I did with the cold turkey change. Thankfully, I am able to stay home and could breastfeed when I wanted. I am pregnant and almost due with baby #2 and have already made the same decision for this one. Unless of course, he self weans.

Ghada: With my first, I had decided that I wanted to wean him when he was 1. For me that felt like the magical number. I was working from home - only having to go out to meetings a few times a week, so it was easy. He started to get bored of breastfeeding around the one year mark so it all worked out, we were done at about 13 months. This time around, I don't know if I will make it to a year with Miss 6 months. Somehow their seems to be so much more going on...but I can't seem to get her to take a bottle...that's a whole other problem lol

Mary: I don't think baby girl would let me wean if I begged, pleaded and bribed her with shoes. She is very attached to my boob but at least I am down to evenings and morning. She 26 months and if you told me before getting knocked up with my first that I would be a nursing mom but one for this long I would have laughed! My son weaned himself at 8 months. It was devastating but I continued to pump for a little longer. Part of me wants to be done but she just wants it way to much and I do love the closeness we share. I have to keep reminding myself that this is only a moment in comparison to her lifetime... besides pretty soon she will be a teenager, hating me and wishing I was not around and I will remind her of this, in detail bahaha

Emily: Oh, I wanted to cry when The Boy self-weaned at 16-months. I wasn't ready at all! When he turned one, we nursed only in the morning and at night. Around 14-months, he wasn't as interested in the morning sessions. By 16-months he was done. It was tough emotionally, I wasn't ready to give that up. Having said that, if we're fortunate enough to have a second child, I'd self-wean again.

Darcy: Before having my daughter I thought 1 year was the magic mark. We are still nursing at nearly 19 months. She is NOT ready and gets upset is I try to refuse a session. We nurse 3-4 times a day still but mostly morning and night. I want her to self wean but sometimes I'm just done, especially being preggo with #2. I kinda want her to be do e by the time baby gets here...she will be 2 then. I never would have thought I'd be an extended bfing mom!

Ghada: ‎Emily, I don't think we are ever ready for it. Even when it's kinda planned somehow it is the end of something very special. Mary, I like the idea of reminding them when they are older how much they used to loooooove us lol

Mary: ‎Darcy, how funny our girls seem so similar! I must admit, on weekends baby girl nurses more because I am there - I am sure if I did not work she would want it just as much. Ghada, I love that you agree! Thanks!

Leila: I agree - even if it's planned, it's still emotional. I miss it! :(

Emily: I'm envious of the mamas still nursing, and the pregnant mamas that will be doing it soon. {I think it's time to try for another one!}

Leila: I second that!

Darcy: Sometimes nursing while preggo is no fun though! I'm tender from the pregnancy and I fear jealousy from Rissa when baby gets first dibs. Not sure I can handle tandem nursing.... Yeah I never thought this would be me!

What are your thoughts on when or how to ween?  Did you ween or did you let baby lead the way?

Thank You Leila of Life as Leels, Mary of iNeed a Playdate, LaVonne of Long Wait For Isabella, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, and Darcy of Tales From the Nursery for sharing your thoughts.

The Mommy Mindset - Do the terrible toddler years ever get better?

Last week, The Mommy Mindset discussed "terrible twos" and it was continued this week with the question:

"3s and 4s - When does it get better?"

My son, as I mentioned last week, was a dream compared to my baby girl and seeing some of the stories that these amazing ladies shared does not give me hope that baby girl's attitude will get better but there is always hope.

Leila: My son turned 4 on April 27th. He has been much easier to deal with for about 2 weeks prior to turning 4! His behavior went from being intolerable to tolerable!

Valerie: My 7 yr old is awesome, but she has always been a pretty awesome kid. My 4 yr old is always getting in trouble, but she is very strong willed. In my case I think it has a lot to do with personality and in that case I have a long road ahead of me for my youngest.

Cyndy: My daughter turned 4 on March 17 and gradually I am seeing improvement and it has been fabulous. I still see spurts of the behavior we were seeing, but we really "drew our line in the sand" about 4 weeks ago. It may sound harsh, but we noticed she was taking for granted the things that we have - toys, movies, Wii, DS, etc. - so I took away ALL of her DVDs for about a week. Then I have been giving them back, or not, based on behavior. It has been very effective!

Emily: I am so glad to hear this will get better! The Boy turns three in July and lately has been acting like "someone else's kid's" There are days when I want to move out!

Ghada: Hmmm...well, I was one of the ones that found 2 and 3 to be easy. Now at 4 he is so knowledgeable and able to argue a point - it can be tough sometimes butting heads with a 4 year old. But on the other hand, he gets our humor and he can help out in ways that he has always wanted to but not get frustrated - like cleaning up, picking out fruits at the shop...

Mary: I'm with Ghada, my son was a wonderful toddler but having the vocabulary to express his anger with me did not always go well either, like the first time he told me that he hated me. Sure, it hurt, but heck it made me think I was on the right track. Baby girl, who is the definition of a terrible two year old, might not make it to see if the three's are better - just kidding. I may not live through her screaming fits but I guess that is why they made ear plugs. :)

Ghada: So have any of you heard the theory that these terrible tantrums are due to a hormonal surge...AND, this same type of hormonal surge happens in their teens. So apparently the toddler tantrums are just a preview to what they'll be like as emo teens *shudders*

Lena: WOW, Ghada, that's a scary thought.

Mary: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Lena: My daughter was horrible when she was 2 and 3, but by 3.5 she became such a little helper. I am truly enjoying her.

Gena: My 3 year old's behavior is like a rollercoaster. He can be an angel for days and then a demon for days. I'm glad it's not all the time naughty kid, but those bad days are B-A-D. I think I've come to grips that every age has it's bad sides.

This valuable input has been brought to you by Leila of Life as Leels, Valerie of Valerie's Reviews, Cyndy of Mama Does It All, Emily, Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, Mary of iNeed a Playdate, Lena, Way2Goodlife, and Gena of Life With Captain Fussybuckets

The Mommy Mindset on the Terrible Twos

I thought it was a myth.  A fairy tale of sorts to scare new parents.  Terrible twos?  You must be kidding me.

My baby boy was not prone to the all out fits that I have witnessed from other toddlers.  In fact, at his worse he would just lay there as we walked away.

One time he did this in his room and the Husband left him there to go watch TV in the living room to which baby boy got a large pillow, dragged it into the living room, laid it in view of the Husband and then threw himself on the pillow. I can only describe it as a protest because it was certainly not a true temper tantrum.

Baby girl on the other hand has true tantrums.  I am talking the kind of tantrums that I would see other toddlers have before I had kids and wondered why those parents did not beat their kids into submission.

I know now how ridiculous my thoughts were.

I am not against spanking per say, I just don't.  Until that one day she pushed me and nothing was working so I swatted her on her diaper, lightly.  She looked at me with that sly look that said, "And when they ask me if I like being spanked because I associate it with love I will say yes" look. 

Her new tactic is to tell me she is mad first, while crossing her arms and turning her back to me.  I only wish I had this on video.  If what ever it is she is mad about is not that serious it usually ends there.  If, however, it is something she just can't tell me or something that she wants that she can't have it is all over and she collapses to the floor.  I usually let her cry it out till she is done, but then there are the other times that she needs to be comforted before she chokes on her tears.

Thankfully this has not happened in public, yet.  And when it does, I will be that parent who stands over her screaming kid, in the parking lot, juggling a bag of groceries, yelling at her brother to stop playing in the traffic, while trying to open the car door as other people look on wondering why I don't beat her into submission.

How do you or did you handle the terrible twos?  

Here are the thoughts of some great (and patient) mommy bloggers in...

Terrible TWOs - heard, lived it, gotta share it.

Leila: My kids didn't go through the Terrible Two's. Mine had Terrible Three's! Their behavior and tantrums increased at three and have since decreased now that they are 4 and over 4! Whoever coined "terrible two's" mistook it for the "terrible three's"!

Lena: My son was 4 weeks old and my daughter was 2 yo when I took them to the mall on my own (brave, ah?) My daughter ran off to the carousel. I had no other option but to follow since she was already sitting on the horse. After 2 rides I said that we needed to get going. She threw such tantrum. I tried carrying her, but she was loud and wiggly. I let her lay on the floor and stood next to her (Yes, I am that Mom) waiting for her to come down. After that - pick her up, walk 10 steps before she throws another tantrum. OMG - I hated how long this mall was

Emily: I have come to realize that the Terrible Twos are an urban legend designed to prepare parents for the Troublesome Threes. The Boy turns three in July, and we've enjoyed smooth sailing with regards to his behavior until a few days ago. I saw signs of it a little bit last month, but chalked it up to being tired. It seems that everything he doesn't want to do is now the end of the world! He lays on the floor and cries about whatever it is he doesn't want to do, he attempts to negotiate "two minutes" for everything! He tried to throw a tantrum in the store a few days ago, but I told him we'd go home & not be able to do fun things if he didn't act like a big boy, he quickly calmed down.
We read the book "Elf on the Shelf" a few days ago, and now he is quite concerned about being on the "Naughty List". Each time I start to reprimand him for poor behavior, he says {between tears} "I don't want to be on the Naughty List. I want to be nice. I want to listen." I think children DO want to be nice, follow rules, have good manners, etc. But they do so much growing socially & emotionally between ages 2 - 4, that it is such a challenge for them. They may not have the words to express what they want, so a tantrum is all they know. I do try to let The Boy know that we'll be changing activities soon, that works well most of the time to prevent tantrums. I just wonder how long I'll have that in my favor!

Lena: ‎Emily, I guess all kids are different. My daughter's tantrums started before she turned 2, but when she turned 3 I realized: after terrible twos come horrible threes

Emily: Every time my son acts "bratty", I try to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Am I not spending enough time with him? Not teaching him enough? Not socializing with his peer group often enough? I know that all of these behaviors are age appropriate, but it can make one day feel as long as two!

Lena: ‎Emily, Oh, I so hear you - going through this for the second time now

Leila: ‎Emily, both of mine were the same way! Angels until a few days before 3 and then went down hill. And then a few days before their 4th birthday, they return to my sweet angels (Buddy is 4 tomorrow and his behavior has calmed immensely in the past week!) So strange!With regards to their tantrums, my daughter only really tried it once. We ignored her and kept on our conversation. She realized her tantrum wasn't doing any good and never did it again. My son on the other hand was out of control. There wasn't a whole lot we found that worked besides sending him to his room to calm down or taking things away from him for bad behavior (ie: no playing the ds or wii if he misbehaved). Nothing else worked with him. :(

Cyndy: Mine was the same. No terrible two behaviors at all. And then she turned 3.

Emily: How am I going to survive the year ahead?!

Ghada: Mr 4.5 was an angel at 2 as well. I'm finding 4 to be the most challenging. He has more developed speech and knows how to argue and speak his mind - it's a good thing I suppose that he knows his mind, but the back chat is unbelievable.

Mary: My baby girl has a classic case of the terrible twos. I only have one story but it happens several times a day, s-e-v-e-r-a-l times a day. She starts off sweet, then she wants something that she should not have or does something she knows is wrong, which is followed by crossed arms, pouty lip and a declaration of "I'm mad." Once that does not work she melts, literally, to the floor in tears. She usually ends it with either an "I'm sorry, mommy." or hyperventilating and I have to soothe her till she stops. Both ways I get an "I'm sorry mommy" so that is something - sigh. I seriously would not have had another if she was first.

Thank You for sharing your experience, Leila of The Go To Mommy, Lena of Way 2 Good Life, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Cyndy of Mama Does It All, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, and Mary of iNeed a Playdate,

The Mommy Mindset - Kids and Laptops - #AtoZChallenge

The (new) age old question - how old is old enough for kids to start using (for lack of a better description) electronics?  Computers, laptops, iPods, iPhones, video games, oh my!  Babies should not even look at a TV till they are at least 30 years old but what about all the other screens that flash images?

Personally, my kids watch TV, play on my iPod and use the computer.  My six year old was a baby when Baby Einstein videos were all the rage and developed normally until he was introduced to Sponge Bob when he was four years old.  Okay, I kid, Sponge Bob did nothing to him besides annoy the hell out of me.  I can say that he never really showed an interest in computers or video games until he was older and in preschool.  Sure, he liked to bang on the keys but he is left handed and his motor skills were not the best so computers frustrated him until he had better control.  He still could care less about video games and we will probably be the last family on the block to have a game system.

Baby girl on the other hand, completely different.  She is two and manages the iPod preschool games better then I do at times and loves to play some games on the computer.

That said, I say the earlier you expose the kids to technology the better.  There is no avoiding the use of electronics these days and the sooner they learn to use them responsibly, the easier time they will have using it in school.

I also think that the current generation is the generation to make all the mistakes about over-sharing and cyber everything and will be the best examples of what not to do with the technology.  Thank God I waited to have kids and hopefully they will have more common sense.  I do worry a little about Corey and email though - you can read that here.

 Here is what other moms think...

Kids and laptops - what is the right age to start computer education?


LaVonne: We bought an iPad for our four year old daughter. We travel 8 months out of the year for work. I also homeschool her. We knew that the iPad would come in handy for not only the mini-van but airplane as well. She has many of her movies on it, and we have even downloaded some PBS cartoons for her. It is also proving to be handy for homeschool. I have found many reasonably priced and free apps that are perfect for preschool learning. I even wrote a post about her favorite ten apps: Long Wait For Isabella

Mary: I think the earlier the better. My two year old has been using my iPod for the last few months and I can't keep her away from the computer. She watches PBSKids and NickJr. I also let her "play" on KneeBouncers. I wish I started my son sooner, besides being left handed his motor skills are not the best and they start them in preschool using computers. I think he would have been less frusrtaed but he learned it and now that he is in first grade he is able to complete some tasks at home for extra help.

Tonya: My 5 yr old loves to play games on the computer from sites like Nick and Disney. My almost 2 yesr old has learned to pick off the keys on my laptop which he done about 20 minutes ago, so I don't think I will let him use the computer just yet!

Darcy: Ahh screen time. A hot topic! Some say kids under 2 years shouldn't be on computers, phones or even watch television. That's almost impossible in this society.. I think moderation is key. My daughter (17 months) watches some TV, plays some Kinect video games, and knows her way around smart phones and tablets. There are some fun engaging apps she plays with! She also spends plenty of time with real books, toys and outside so I think she's okay.

Gena: My three year old is an iPad/iPhone whiz. I had to earn to block the app store completely because, while I have a password that he doesn't know, I was tired of him begging to buy kid games that were in Korean. I don't know how he finds this stuff. He also watches kid shows and videos on YouTube but so far, he asks if he can watch the videos and doesn't stray too far. I'm going to have to learn how to make it where he can only watch kid videos!

Emily: I have an iPhone with a few apps that The Boy can play. I find some of the apps to be educational, and teaching him things that I wouldn't necessarily think to teach an almost three-year old. The apps come in handy when we're at a restaurant waiting for our meals, or on a longer car ride. At home, he has The LeapFrog LeapPad Tablet. I cannot say enough wonderful things about it! It is a great tool, and we limit the amount of time he can use it each day.

Ghada: My son started using my iPhone just before he was 3. It has been a life saver on long train rides, car rides and most helpful at the grocery store where he used to be prone to meltdowns around that age. It started out as just really fun games and as he gets older it has evolved into counting and spelling games - that are still fun! Lately he really likes to chill out with the iPad and this tends to be more games where he bonds with Dad - some are skill based and I think its great for hand-eye coordination. Like all things, its about moderation. I think as long as the games are age appropriate I don't have a problem with young kids using tablets. After all, we are raising a generation completely different to our own. A generation who can research just about anything on google.

Lena: I tried to keep my daughter away from all things computer for as long as I could. I didn't want her to get addicted to useless games and didn't quite understand how much educational material was out there. She was 3.5 when she started online pre-school. Now she is 3.5 and comfortably operate my iPhone, MacBook, and PC. She looks forward to it and it gives me some free time.

Thank You Moms of "Mommy Mindset": LaVonne of Long Wait For Isabella, Mary of iNeed a Playdate, Tonya of Bringing Up Hopkins, Darcy of Tales From the Nursery, Ghada of Mama goes BAM , Gena of Life With Captain Fussybuckets, Lena of Way 2 Good Life, Emily of Nap Time is My Time.

What are your thoughts on the topic?

The Mommy Mindset: First Hair Cuts?

First haircuts - when to do it, when to wait, will you stunt their growth or have "bad hair"????

About time?

My in-laws thought we should wait till way longer then we wanted and my husband is so quick to buzz my son's hair we are both in tears!  Me, because I love his curls, and my son because he absolutely hates getting his hair cut.  One of my earliest memories of him after a hair cut was watching him pull a chair to the mirror in the dining room, climbing n the chair, patting his hair saying, "Where is my hair? My hair?"

Baby girl is a mystery for me because it means I will have to actually do her hair.  I barely do my hair as it is - oh what to do!

Here are some more thoughts on the topic and I would love to hear yours as well.

First Haircut can be an eventful experience - sometimes it's good, and sometime - well, you know... If you have been dreading the thought of the baby's first haircut, check out what our moms went through (and maybe avoid some of our mistakes).

Mary: I wish I would have prepared six year old better for his first hair cut. It was a disaster! He is sensitive to loud noises so the the sound of clippers next to his ear increased his anxiety. And the actually cutting... He did not handle it well at all and it traumatized him. To this day it is a struggle to get him in the chair but it's not like he go without getting his hair cut - dread locks is not an option.

Darcy: I'm not sure WHEN to do it! Especially with my little girl since I want her hair to grow longer. I'm tempted to trim it up sometimes though!

Lena: I had my daughter's hair trimmed when she turned 4. I made a big about it, asked her to model and took plenty of pictures. But when I took my 2 year old boy for hair cut for the first time, that didn't go all that well - lots of screaming and wiggling. He did come down at the end, but I felt I did something wrong (I should of waited 2 more years to cut his hair - LOL).

Mary: I read in Parenting Magazine that you should prepare them by pretending at home first and then when you get there be sure to have a new bow for girls and let the boys get a streak of color that washes out. I really like that idea and may try it for both kids. I am ready to trim baby girl's just to even it out but have been putting it off. She will be two in a few weeks so maybe I should get on that.

Darcy: Pretending makes sense and I like the new bow/color idea. I get my hair colored and styled, why wouldn't they want a bit of flair too?

Mariah: I'm also not sure when to do it. I love my little man's curls but I cannot even imagine taking him somewhere to get his hair cut. He never sits still! I will probably wait until his curls are in his face and I have no other choice.
Emily: In her "old life" my mom owned a full-service spa, so she gave The Boy his first hair cut. We bribed him with a few pieces of dark chocolate! His hair was getting too long - curls in his face. I wanted to pin it back, but that idea was vetoed by The Texan.

Ashleigh: My son had his hair first trimmed around 10 months. He didn't even notice what Daddy was doing because he was busy yelling at the kitty. I think were gonna stay with home hair cuts, I do believe in a salon he would cause mayhem.

Ghada: My son has crazy curls that neither my husband nor I trust anyone to cut. So he has his hair cut by dad. Because he's biracial the texture of his curls are a bit different. I have friends whose biracial kids had their curls cut too short and then they never grow back the same, so we didn't want that to happen - his curls are just too gorgeous! We basically let him grow an afro for years! I think both sets of grandparents were hoping we'd cut his hair, it was getting a bit unruly LOL I think we started when he was about 3 and its never been a problem.

Thank You for sharing your expert opinion Mariah of Formula Mom, Lena of Way2Goodlife, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Darcy of Tales From the Nursery, Ghada of Mama Goes BAM, Ashleigh of Living Off Love and Coffee, and Mary of I need a Playdate.