The Mommy Mindset: Competition Among Moms?

I sort of hate hanging around brand new mommies.  Well, the ones that talk on and on about their baby, which happens to be the only baby on earth.  Their way is best and they know all the right ways.  I did not like hanging around new mommies when I was a new mommy.  I am sure I am guilty of acting that way, but thankfully, like childbirth, I have forgotten.

As I started to join online communities and eventually blogging I tried to be a listener and not a know it all.  This is not easy because I do know a lot.  What I also realized is how competitive other moms are and everybody's opinion is right, not just mine.  Everybody can't be right and that is were the infighting comes into play.  What ever happened to - do what's best for you? 

We are moms.  We need to stick together and be an example, even if we don't agree.  This leads me to this Mommy Mindset...

Competition among moms. Why do you think it exists? Are you a competitive mom?

Lena: I am much more ambitious in work environment, than I am in a mommy army, but mainly because I know that mama drama and competitions are such a energy sucking hobby. I almost enjoy telling one of my friends that I got something new, because I know within the next couple weeks she will get something better. Is that bad?

Ashley: Not so much competitive as I like to see where my son is in comparison to other children his age. None of my friends have kids, so I admit, I'm an amateur when it comes to parenting. I'm always asking where other kids are in development in comparison to him. It helps me know what I should work on more or what he is doing great in. I do think competition exists though, which is a shame. I notice it a lot in my "mom groups".

Emily: I've noticed it a lot in my area. I find that moms are judging the "gear" that other moms have, the clothing the children wear, what kind of food the kids are eating, etc. Personally, I put my money towards things that are important to me & inline with my values. Having said that, I have a hybrid stroller and feed The Boy organic foods. But, I dress him for the playground in clothes from Target and Old Navy. I don't understand why there is so much judging, perhaps it stems from the judging that we all did as teens in high school?

Ghada: I don't get that kind of competition that you've described Emily. Maybe it comes from boredom. I find the mothers that are the most competitive about the gear and clothes are the ones that have always been that way in their own lives - the best clothes, the best phones, the best makeup, etc...Of course, I can't help but notice where my kids fit in compared to others in their growth, BUT I never turn it into a competition. Plus, I think with number 2 I am less concerned about where my kids fit in. They are happy, healthy and growing just fine!

Mary: I'm with Ghada - I am at a place where I may not seek as much approval from other moms as I did with my first but that is not say that I truly did in the first place. When my first was born, I was pregnant with five other woman in my office and out of them, one lost her baby, one became a great friend and one constantly wanted to compare our babies' growth and development. She would often try to bait me into comparing and sometimes I fell for it. It got to the point where I would not even mention my son when she was around. Eventually she finally stopped but then I joined the early childhood PTA and was thrust back into it. We should support each other, not tear each other down. :(

What are your thoughts?  Are you a competitive mom?

The Mommy Mindset: Competition Among Moms? ow.ly/1m1WVP

— MryJhnsn (@mryjhnsn) August 18, 2012

Thanks for participating Lena of Way2Goodlife, Ashley of Maryland Momma's Rambles & Reviews, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, and Mary of I Need a Playdate.

My Daughter's Other Mommy

I am jealous of the babysitter.  The other mommy.  Her full-time care giver. 

When I dropped, Jamba Mama off today, I took her out of the car seat to hold her one more time before handing her off to the sitter and she nearly jumped from my arms.  She was reaching for the sitter, smiling and happy to see her and paid me no never mind as I was leaving.  I was more then a little crushed and even sadder since I just saw a blurb about weekend mommies.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE our child care provider and she is wonderful with our little mama (who is now four months and three weeks old) but it still a little awkward to hold my bébé and she nearly jumps into the arms of another woman.  Needless to say, I am now over the initial sadness because I know that she is in an environment where she is happy to be in and is excited to see her care giver.  I do hope my daughter will see the sitter as a that or maybe as a grandmotherly type and not as my replacement - her other mommy.

I then went and re-read the blog blurb I saw in my email (three weeks ago) and realized that it was just another mommy war… another us vs. them, SAHM vs. working mom debate that seems to be endless.  I am truly so sick that these debates still go on day after day, year after year.  Why is this debated?  I would love to stay home but it would be irresponsible of me in my situation to do so but Goddess bless the women that can stay at home...  I would in a heart beat.  Not all mommies would be good at home.  A “friend” of mine is at home with her kid and spends most of the day on Facebook.  He is in middle school and does not ride a bike or a skateboard and I am not sure if they actually venture out of the apartment. 

As I browsed more into this website, there appears to be a “mommy war” about breastfeeding and spanking (not together, separate topics).  I am afraid to go anywhere else on the site to find out what other things we are arguing about today.  What happen to “we are women her us roar” and being united, yada yada yada?  Can’t we all just get along?  We are doing the same thing… raising children the best way we can and all, ugh.  I wonder in this push to get equal rights we forgot that some of us would like to stay at home to raise the kids and just because we have a right to work outside the home does not mean we have to do it. 

This was not meant to be a rant about how everybody has an opinion and it is the right one; damn everybody else and their opinion.  If I would do a blog about that, it would be:  “Can Someone Explain Why Gay Marriage is wrong without Referring to Scripture?"  Instead, I really just wish I can bring bébé to work with me and then I would truly be a working mommy.